New bed.

Since our daughter, Shari, sells beds, she was the obvious choice to go to when we went to buy a new bed. The one she thought we would like "goes up and it goes down", as the old woman on the TV ad states.

First of all, our old bed sat so low to the floor (that was because I am close to the floor at 5' 3" and shrinking) I could sit on the edge of the bed and touch my fingers to the floor to do my exercises.

Shari warned me the new bed would be a "little taller". Well, her "little taller" appears to have meant like a midget on steroids. I have to "hike" myself up into this new bed and with my body that is no easy chore.

Oh, and did I tell you, this new bed has a remote control? Jim and I were telling a lady at church about the new bed and my problems with the remote control and she suggested I turn over my remote control to Jim. I'm afraid I yelled out loud in church and said: "Turn that remote control over to Jim? You have to be kidding. For 55 years I have been fighting him over the remote control to the TV. He's one of those people who simply cannot leave the remote control alone. He flips and flips from station to station until I'm flipping, too--flipping out that is!"

Jim tried to explain the remote control to the bed to me. The problem is that the light on the remote control only stays on for a few seconds, so if you are in the middle of searching for a setting and the light goes out you are pushing buttons in the dark.

Jim said, "Now, this one says 'flat' and that lays you way down.'

Yes, it does. "Flat" means flatter than a pancake. There is one that says "RC" which means it sits you up something like a recliner. Since I have slept in a recliner for years, this suits me pretty well.

There are 3 different vibrator buttons and all of them are good! I felt like I was falling off a mountain the other night when I tried to get out of bed from the reclining position.

Jim suggested I lower the bed to "flat" position before getting out from now on.

All of this adjusting to our new bed just tells me how accurate that old saying is. You know the one I mean--the one that says "you can't teach an old dog (or in this case--old dogs) a new trick. A vibrating. contortionist, twisting bed. What will they think of next?

At least, it has made our night time excursions something to look forward to!

NOT!

Grandma Lee's Sugar Cookie Recipe

1 cup butter

1 cup vegetable oil

1 cup granulated sugar

1 cup powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 eggs

1 teaspoon baking soda

4 cups flour

1 teaspoon cream of tartar

1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Thoroughly cream vegetable oil, butter and both sugars. Add vanilla and eggs. Sift dry ingredients.

Stir in and blend.

Roll a teaspoon of soft dough into a ball. Roll ball in granulated sugar. Press down on lightly greased cookie sheet with a fork or glass tumbler dipped in sugar. Press dough with fork to make a design. Bake about 12 minutes.

ENJOY! I think Mom got this recipe out of a magazine. Sure brought back memories to me. I bake cookies for granddaughter, Rylee, on the week-ends Brent has her. I'll have to surprise her with these cookies.

HOW MANY CHURCH MEMBERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulbs, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormon: At least four. Because of the importance of family, everyone needs to join in, including mom, dad, sister and brothers.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb traditions, including candescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-line and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. Church lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Jewish: Who needs bulbs? God said, "Let there be light."

Marriage and The Common Cold

This is just too good not to share! And having recently celebrated our 55th anniversary, I can REALLY relate!!

This is how a typical husband responds when his wife comes down with a common cold--

IN THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE:

"Darling, I'm worried about my baby girl. You've got a bad sniffle, and there's no telling about these things with all the terrible viruses going around nowadays. I've called the emergency doctor, and I have called your mother. She is coming to help with the cooking and cleaning."

IN THE SECOND YEAR OF MARRIAGE:

"Listen, darling. I don't like the sound of that cough. I've made an appointment with the doctor. Now, you go to bed like a good girl, and I'll take care of everything".

IN THE THIRD YEAR:

"Maybe you'd better lie down, darling. Nothing like a little rest when you're feeling lousy. I'll bring you something. Do we have some canned soup?"

IN THE FOURTH YEAR:

"Now look dear. Be sensible. After you feed the kids, and mop the floor, you'd better get some rest."

IN THE FIFTH YEAR:

"Why don't you take a couple of aspirin?"

IN THE SIXTH YEAR:

"If you'd just gargle or something, instead of barking like a seal all night..."

IN THE SEVENTH YEAR:

"For Pete's sake. Stop sneezing! What are you trying to do--give me

pneumonia?"

Long time no see--Life Happens Blog!

Because of limited use of my hands, I see it has been some time since I wrote in this blog. My journey to rebuild one arthritic hand is about over. About all I gained is I can straighten my left hand a

little better and the fingers aren't as droopy. But the pain is still there. However, with my new computer it is easier to type with limited finger-use.

This is from one of my columns back in 2008 from The Hometown Journal. Enjoy!

REGULATIONS!

In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again,the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing, along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard--but no Ark! "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah,"but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkling system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Building Department Appeal Board for a decision. Then, the Department of Transportation, demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls--but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then, the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No" said the Lord. "The government beat me to it.".

Additional information to the sad tale of 6 year old elapsed driver's license and more

I wanted to keep you in the know with my problems with my driver's license and Social Security
card both being found to be useless. As you will remember my sad tale from my last posting, all
of the FUN started because I was going to have surgery and was advised they would require a
photo ID before they would do surgery.
When I proudly submitted my brand-new, legal driver's license, the lady at the surgery center, barely gave it a glance as she made a copy and handed it back to me. I thought with all of the problems getting that photo ID, she could have at least admired it for a moment.
Another interesting thing happened when I returned to the Social Security office with proof in hand that I really AM Donna Uebinger, I asked the man in charge why he refused to accept my birth certificate as proof I am who I SAY I am, said that only proves I was born--it doesn't prove
I am still alive!
Getting my birth certificate was quite a task back when Jim and I got married and my parents realized they didn't have my birth certificate as it was burned up in a small fire at the Court House in Fairfield--but that's a story for another time--when I can type with 2 hands.

Now the story can be told!

It all started out innocently enough. I went to see Dr. Naam about having reconstructive surgery done
on my poor old arthritic hand. We scheduled it for May 5. As we left his office, the nurse commented that I needed a photo ID the day of the surgery.
When I got home I pulled out my driver's license and told Jim that the person in the picture on the license didn't even look like me (I had dyed hair, big glasses and tipped the scales a few (?) pounds lighter. One day, I told Jim to run me by the DMV office and I would have a new picture taken and change the address on my license to the address I have lived at for 13+ years. Yes, I
know!!!
While we were waiting in line for someone to help me, I happened to glance down at my driver's license and stamped on it were these words: "Expiration date 2005!"
Well, when the DMV guy was told this, I thought he might be having a heart attack. He did tell me
I had set a new record. The old record was a woman who had an expired license 5 years old.
He informed me I had to start over--read the Rules of the Road book; take a written test, have an eye exam and drive. A few days later, after having reviewed the booklet, I went back to the
driver's license office, prepared to take the written test.
When the worker asked me for an ID, I was prepared, except for one little thing. She said she
needed to see my Social Security card. Guess what!!! I had lost that card! I was told I couldn't get a driver's license without a Social Security card.
I contacted the national Social Security office and they told me my birth certificate wasn't going to work--they needed an Illinois driver's license (valid driver's license, they stressed). Well,
if that wasn't a big fat mess. I couldn't get my new driver's license without a Social Security card
and couldn't get a Social Security card without a valid Driver's license.
I kept trying to find a type of ID that the SSA would accept. Finally, we drove to Effingham
to the regional office and I explained my dilemma to the gentleman there. He said there was
a solution. If I had a doctor's print-out of where I had seen a doctor, with my date of birth on it
and my Social Security number printed on it--that would work.
I had just seen Dr. Bonutti a few weeks earlier, so we scooted over to Dr. Bonutti's office--his nurse gave me a copy of my last appointment print-out, we took it back to the SS office
and it worked.
I got the Social Security card in the mail within a week and a half and yesterday took and
passed my driver's test, SO I AM LEGAL AGAIN!
We tried to piece together how I could have had an expired license for so many years. We decided that I must have failed to notify the State of Illinois when we moved from the country
to town (around 13 years ago). I had not been in the Driver's License facility for years because
I had a good driving record and all I had to do was order my new license by mail. Luckily,
I had never been pulled over by a policeman who asked to see my license, and it had been
so long, I was not even in the data base in Springfield. They must have assumed I was dead!
So take my advice, and once in a while be sure your driver's license is current; and that you
have a Social Security CARD!